I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
