She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
