The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
They took my balls.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
