my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
