she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
