I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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