i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
try to milk me bitch
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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