guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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