She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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