you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
