living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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