be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
