dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Your cock deserves a montage
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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