guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
