There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
