I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
