Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
