I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
