We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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