Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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