I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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