I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
