He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
