Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dicks are not precious.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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