You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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