just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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