I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
