God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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