idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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