Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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