Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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