he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
