The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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