Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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