I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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