I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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