if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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