i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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