guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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