Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
