you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
