Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
