Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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