the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We left an ass print on the piano.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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