Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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