he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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