I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
