So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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