I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
