Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
