1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
