remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
