you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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