a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
