well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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