she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
