i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
