This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
