he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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