Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
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All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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