worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
