??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
