i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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