Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
