there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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