tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
