Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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