this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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