I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he just fucked me for my cheese.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
