brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
