I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
