After last night, I could never be a politician.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
